45a. Step back

Few days ago I have experienced step back. My PD symptoms worsened. I can feel PD symptoms spreading on the right side of my body. My right side is a healthier one.

I will not despear.

I have made progress but just not enough. It always surprises me how deep this is. I know I have touched Divine, at least a bit. It felt beautiful. My body responded accordingly (pain in joints, reduced stiffness, warts gone, ear pressure gone, improved sleep). But, it was just not enough to completely step out of fear.

Trigger was, I have plunged into fear, because I have expirienced sore throat and my mind said your sinus tumor is causing that.

For the record, i have naturally reduced sinuses tumor size down to 30% of it’s original size. This was five years ago. Western medicine call this recovery a miracle. Only consequence is sensation of minor blockage while breathing through nose.

My mind knew i was still scared of this tumor and as soon as sore throat appeared it was in full panic mode: “Oh sinus blockage is causing sore throat, i will have sore throat all my life…”.

Of course PD “reworded” me immediately with worsened symptoms.

This fear was, of course, only an illusion. In last five years since i was diagnosed with sinus tumor, I have never had sore throat, only two very mild colds which is very good record. If tumor causes sore throat it would do so in those five years.

My mind was just playing tricks on me. This is characteristic of PD adrenaline-driven-always-looking-for-danger-not-safe-yet mind. It will keep you pinned in PD untill you admit it is safe enough to be alive, truly alive.

Anyway, this last period was, by far best period in my PD “carrier” so far. I trust it was due to the fact my relationship with God grew ever deeper, as well as me being in a happy and loving relationship with my girlfriend. During this time, I fell in love with this, what is the best way to call it, recovery “procedure”. I haven’t put so much effort in anything else in my life.

Please, be aware, of your mind tricks! Mind knows where are your weak points. Do not give in to fear.

Keep communicating with your “friend” and feel free comment how are you doing!

Thank you!